A few years ago I had the opportunity to make a radio program, in which I interviewed winners, people famous for being leaders in the profession they performed. It was a rewarding job, since I had to know them from the spiritual aspect, I had to dialogue with their souls.
Among the personalities that I chose to interview, I looked for a bullfighter, an intense, brave artist, who went out into the ring every Sunday afternoon to risk his life because he loved the wild party. And he did it by choice.
Bullfighters have a very high level of will to dare to go out and challenge a bull. Their intention and attention are awake, since a single moment of distraction can cost them their lives.
We worked together for several days to record the capsules for the radio programs and I had the opportunity to get to know many aspects of the magical feeling that moves a bullfighter. One of the issues I wanted to address with him was fear.
– Do you feel afraid when you are dressed in your suit of lights and leave the square, knowing that it is time to face the bull? - I asked him.
"Yes," and he replied. I am invaded by a sensation full of nuances between, medium, joy, challenge, deep emotion, something very difficult to explain.
Then he told me the following:
-In my life as a bullfighter I have suffered many dangerous wounds, caught, as we say in bullfighting slang, and despite the suffering and pain I experienced, the only thing I thought about was the moment I was going to fight again . I made an effort to go as soon as possible and in a short time I was with the cape in my hands, training. But there was a tremendous crash that almost cost me my life and left me prostrate without being able to walk for a long time. However I did not give up; although the doctors told me that I could no longer walk well, much less fight; I ignored them and underwent all kinds of painful therapies and exercises that at first I thought impossible to do. After two long years I began to prepare myself to return to bullfighting.
“When I felt physically capable, I went to see the businessman from Plaza México so that he could hire me and I managed to get him to give me a date.
“In my life as a bullfighter I have had many glorious afternoons; therefore, the responsibility to come back and succeed was greater, he had to come back and do a lot of work.
“…A few days before the bullfight. I woke up with terrible anguish and fear. I was trembling, I had felt fear of death again, like the day the bull left me unable to walk. They relived the pain and suffering of the last few years, and I wondered “How am I going to fight if I am terrified?” I got up, went for a walk around the hacienda and made the decision: I had to go toe-to-toe with fear, it was the only way to overcome it.
“I went back to the house, packed some clothes and said goodbye to my wife. I told him that I was going to go away for a few days, that I still didn't know where, but that I needed to be alone before the bullfight to prepare my soul, that I wanted to be with God and with myself; Please, no one would look for me. I got in my car and left. After some time I stopped at a small hotel, I don't even know what town, in the middle of nowhere, and I took a room.
“There I spent two days in the company of God and fear. Closing the door of the room, he was not alone, he had a special guest: fear; I took two chairs, placed them one in front of the other, in one I sat down and in the other I invited fear to sit down. I wanted to see him face to face, get to know him and talk to him, we spent many hours together, feeling each other. I questioned him without giving him rest. I recognized before him that his energy was strong, that many times he pushed me to keep me attentive, awake, he made me realize; for moments, I became aware of the danger that attracted me and made me vibrate intensely and on some occasions it paralyzed me and did not allow me to act. It made me see that what my ego feared the most was death and when I challenged it on the sand of any arena, my ego tied me with the chains of fear to nullify my will and took out a thousand masks to disguise itself, invented excuses, apologies, in order to hide his weaknesses and he defended himself by blaming others and the circumstances...
“…Those two days made me see another reality. I learned a lot about myself, I observed myself, I met myself, fear was my great teacher. I realized that he arrives full of cold and restless depression. The day I was able to talk with him I took away the mystery that is the habit with which he covers himself, my mind undressed him and I could see that it is not real, that it is my thoughts that give him strength, that if I change them I take away strength and disappears, that I must always be attentive and evaluate the risks, that I must not lose focus even for a second in each step I take, in each slam, in each flag that I put up and when I approach to kill my concentration must be total and precise , without losing the art or the emotion, which are what adorns the trophy, that passion and love must always be present in the profession of a bullfighter.
“That afternoon I cut ears and tail. I returned to the ring bravely as I had dreamed. My communication with the bull was perfect, I spoke to him softly and with respect in each pass of the crutch and he responded in the same way, there was harmony between the two wrapped in magic and full of color, it was a beautiful dance of movements that we performed. He fulfilled his dignified and courageous role as a fighting bull, which was what he was born for, to be able to die bravely on a Sunday afternoon with a crowded and delirious plaza; and I as a bullfighter, satisfied and proud of having achieved my desire to return triumphant, with all my faculties awake and recovered, affirming in me that the impossible does not exist. I felt free from chains, from false beliefs and I deeply thanked God for having been born.
I do not mention the name of this great, spiritual and brave bullfighter because he is no longer in this beautiful world and I cannot ask his permission to do so. But I am sure that, wherever you are, you will be happy to know that your experience against fear in this story will help other beings to overcome their fears.