Mistake #91
TO BE HEAVY OR TRANSCENDENTAL
The best coaches I know are light and casual and don't get caught up in the coaching stuff.
Certainly, the clients are working on very important things, and the Coach is respectful and cares, but at the same time, life is unpredictable and we humans are weird and problems are solvable.
Mistake #92
COMMUNICATE / IMPOSE “YOUR” GOALS ON THE CLIENT
Sometimes you can see a better goal for your client than the one they have set for themselves.
It is tricky to know whether to suggest/push “yours” or help them achieve theirs.
When in doubt, ask the customer to choose.
You are doing it inappropriately when:
• You try to convince your client to go in your direction.
• You get upset because the customer doesn't see it.
• You take it personally that they choose to ignore your goal.
Mistake #93
COACHING WITH SOMEONE YOU DON'T ENJOY
Either you let the customer go, or you talk to the customer about what's bothering you, or you find a way to genuinely enjoy the customer.
If you don't do something, your Coaching will be contaminated and will have less value.
And, life is too short to coach someone you don't enjoy.
Mistake #94
TO BE THE HEIGHT OF “POSITIVITY”
Some Coaches force the client to interpret and/or describe their situation only in a “positive” way:
• "That's not a problem, just a challenge..."
• "Oh, it's not you, it's just a limiting belief you have..."
• "Oh, you shouldn't use the word 'should'..."
• “What is the positive that will come out of this?...”
The problem with this form of approach is that it does not honor the client's feelings and, in fact, cannot tolerate even the slightest hint of negativity.
This is a common problem in emotionally rigid Coaches or in very "healing" Coaches, where language protects the heart instead of releasing the truth.
Mistake #95
ASSUME THAT THE CUSTOMER UNDERSTOOD YOU
There are things that take time to be assumed and understood.
When an important life-changing point is emphasized, take time to find out exactly what the client heard and how much they have integrated.
Due to filters and biases, most customers miss your points or only hear part of what you want to say.
Repeat, paraphrase, give examples, discuss nuances of key points.
Take as much time as necessary to ensure complete understanding.
Mistake #96
COACHING THE WRONG CLIENTS
You will feel undervalued and frustrated if you are coaching clients who cannot fully benefit from your experience, expertise or style.
Customers will feel the same.
It is your responsibility (not the client's) to coach the kind of clients who bring out the best in you and whom you can really help.
Always have 20-30 Coaches on hand to whom you can refer these clients that you cannot do an excellent job with.
Mistake #97
BE RIGID WITH YOUR ADVICE AND APPROACH
Rigid Coaches see things in terms of right/wrong, good/bad, smart/dumb, right/wrong…
They are often stuck in narrow beliefs and are often afraid of risks/consequences.
They prefer to impose their opinions on their clients about how life, work, success works instead of co-creating with the client new personalized and ingenious strategies.
You know you are a rigid Coach when you are not learning as much from the client as you are teaching them.
Mistake #98
PUT A POSITIVE SPIN ON EVERYTHING
Being positive is great, but some Coaches feel compelled to make the issues their client is dealing with less serious or negative.
"Oh, that's not so bad."
“You'll fix it. It's just a temporary circumstance."
"You're doing the best you can."
This may be true, but it's better to be upfront and honest first and then be positive about the solution, rather than being falsely positive about the situation. Sometimes situations are annoying.
Mistake #99
BECOME SELF-SATISFIED
Coaching skills, techniques and technologies evolve very quickly.
The market currently demands trained Coaches who are specialists.
Some Coaches do not see the need to continually be up to date with what is new in our profession.
This can put them behind the effectiveness curve and lower their reputation in the coaching community.
Mistake #100
ENCOURAGE YOUR CUSTOMERS TO CHANGE
Encouraging means “encouraging with pressure” and it's tempting when you can see a “better” way for your client's life and success.
Remember, clients choose to change exactly when they are ready for it, and even when encouragement can work, the psychic and emotional cost of the Coach is high and an adverse relationship can be created.
Plant seeds, encourage with desire, but do not exhort.
Mistake #101
NOT BE YOURSELF
There will come a time when you will find your own professional voice and your Coaching will be completely yours, nobody else's.
You find your own voice after about 100 clients.
It is beneficial to learn, practice and master the “official” Coaching models, programs, skills and strategies. But at some point, you will put your personal stamp on everything you have learned and make it an expression of YOU and what you know works.
The 10 most frequent “mistakes”:
EITHER React
EITHER Lecture
EITHER abuse suggestions
EITHER be soft
EITHER Not managing the process
EITHER Limited
EITHER out of step
EITHER refer to yourself
EITHER Contain
EITHER Tag your partner