No one can live face to face with the truth without falling ill or hurting to the bone. Because the truth is that we are weak and miserable and we need to love, protect ourselves, hope, believe and affirm. We cannot live outdoors in the single minute that is given to us.
Jaime Sabines
Personality is the set of characteristics that you inherited and learned during the first years of life, from zero to eight years old; this is flexible since the development of each person is different. When the different stages of your growth are presented, what you learned in childhood is consolidated; You make this learning yours because your brain does not have any initial information (it is a hard disk with millions of free GB of memory to store information), and it needs elements that give it structure and that favor its operation in such a way that, from from everything you see, experience and are taught, you create a model or way of thinking and be. All this information comes from the significant people for you, such as your parents, your grandparents, your older brothers, the figures that taught you as a child and the people who educated you. You take everything they told you for granted because you had no other references and also because of what they represented to you.
You should know that your personality includes many characteristics of your parents. When you relate to your environment, you carry your parents as if you were carrying two suitcases and when you meet someone, you stand in front of the person, put the suitcases down (it is very heavy to "carry your parents") and introduce yourself, you smile like dad used to smile or mom and you say "hello, I'm my mom, I'm my dad and fortunately it's me too". Does it seem absurd to you? However, it is so, and the other person does the same: "I am Pepe, Pepa and also Pepito."
Taking our parents with us is like saying: “This is my mom and this is my dad, I always carry them because that way I feel safe and it's easier to relate because I only repeat what they taught me; What's more, I do it so well that sometimes I join them, I don't even realize when I do this, it's unconscious.”
Is there any truth in this?
I will tell you that when you interact, whether with family, with colleagues at work, school or with yourself; your way of being and your behavior are like games that you play repeatedly because they work for you, because they work first hand (you get what you want), you don't know another way of being, you didn't learn it and it's not in your repertoire of behaviors. Sometimes the result of your game is negative but still, you get more or less what you want, and this is better than nothing
Other times there is an unconscious desire to screw up the life of a significant person by screwing up yourself. Does this sound weird, right? Isn't it science fiction?
Imagine that you were always in total disagreement, in the treatment that your mother gave your father, you were annoyed, you suffered, you cried in silence or sometimes you expressed it and things remained the same: your mother rejecting, attacking the father that you loved deeply and that he was your hero and he was mistreated (perhaps because it was convenient for him because of the advantages he got by playing the victim). So, when you grow up, you seek to have similar relationships only that the role or role is reversed and you look for a man who has the characteristics of your mother and of course you allow him to treat you badly, attack you, attack your children and, How do you think your mother feels when she sees her beloved daughter, her adored grandchildren, being mistreated without her being able to do anything about it?
That's how you screw up your mom's life (inside yes! It's good that it hurts, so that she feels what I felt as a girl when I mistreated my hero”) and by the way you screw up yourself.
You can believe it or not, but most do not discover this, they cannot see how they repeat the history that affected them and, therefore, they can do little to change. The result is unconscious revenge (following memory and repetition).
It is as if a happy ending had not been included in the story that this girl's parents lived through. This girl, when she grows up and has her own family, repeats the story of her father and mother embodied in her husband and in this new story she now hopes for a happy ending, but wow! How can there be a different ending if she repeats the same role her parents took? The result, even if you don't want it, will be the same. This is how life stories are interwoven according to the learning of the first years.
Have you ever complained or behaved like a victim believing that everyone abuses you? I ask you why do you do it? I correct my question, try to answer it without thinking too much, why do you play and feel like the victim with the people you live with? We all play these types of games for the results we get, maybe they helped you, you achieved what you wanted, maybe they looked after you or gave you attention. That's the key, you already understood why we do it, but let's go in parts.
Story: The Fool.
“You ask me how I went crazy. It happened like that:
One day, long before the gods were born, I woke up from a deep sleep to find that all my masks had been stolen - yes, the seven masks that I had made myself, and that I had worn in seven different lives - I ran without a mask through the streets crowded with people, shouting:
– Burglars! Burglars! Damned thieves!
Men and women laughed at me and seeing me, several people, full of fear, ran to take refuge in their houses. And when I got to the market square, a young man, standing on the roof of his house, pointing at me.
– Look! He's crazy!
I raised my head to see who was screaming, and for the first time the sun kissed my naked face and my soul was inflamed with love for the sun and I no longer wanted to have masks. And as if in a trance, I cried out:
-Blessed! Blessed are the thieves who stole my masks!
So it was that I became crazy.
And in my madness I have found freedom and security; the freedom of solitude and the security of not being understood, because those who understand us enslave a part of our being.