After the last conversation with my "guide" this phrase haunted my mind. "Love is the answer." If what we lacked was love, maybe we could start giving love to each other. I thought it was a brilliant conclusion...
– Brilliant yes, but incomplete – I answer. The phrase should be: "Love by oneself is the answer".
– Very selfish, right?
- Of course. Selfishness is a virtue, not a defect as you have been led to believe.
True love is only possible between two complete people. If you bring two people together with a void inside them, what you have is the perfect recipe for codependency. Which is the opposite of love.
One will be demanding the other to fill the void they have and the other will do the same. Neither of them has anything to give the other.
-A beggar asking another beggar.
-That's what happens in “love” relationships.
What they call love is a kind of agreement where you own someone and that person owns you.
Because you have based your worth on the other person, you live in terror, controlling their every move, jealous, insecure.
You have sacrificed your freedom for comfort and the illusion of security. You sign a contract in which you agree to be with your partner until death do you part, no matter that you no longer love her, no matter that your relationship is a martyrdom, no matter that you have sacrificed your individuality, your own life. It is more important for you to have someone by your side than to be happy.
-The two need each other.
– That's right, however, you can't love anyone if you need them. If you need him then you put up with everything, you humiliate yourself and betray yourself as long as he doesn't leave. Sila you need to control her, you manipulate her not because you love her but because you have interests invested in her.
– And therefore the eternal conflicts. Always wanting the other person to be how we want them to be. Do what we want you to do.
That's right, wanting to possess her and that, my love, is a terrible lack of respect. We cannot own anyone and no one can own us. We are individuals, not things; we are emperors, not slaves.
– Now I understand what you are saying about being the beginning and end of my existence: To be able to love and respect the other, I first need to come to love and learn to respect myself.
– That's right, to be healthy, strong, complete, satisfied. Have something to share in the relationship. Be full of love for yourself, so full that you have plenty to give to others.
– I need to feel worthy of that love they offer me or I will look for ulterior motives. I will not be able to understand that someone loves me, if I despise myself.
– Of course, if you hate yourself, and there is someone who wants to love you, you distrust her. "It can't be" you think, "or she's crazy or blind, can't she see that I'm worthless?"
– Just as I spend belittling and criticizing myself, I do it with her. I need to be at peace with myself first in order to be at peace with someone.
– You got it. Whether you like it or not, everything begins and ends with you. If you are your worst enemy, how do you explain someone being kind and loving to you? If you don't lower yourself from useless and good for nothing.
– It takes a lot of maturity to love. Well, what about all the romantic movies and all the love songs?
– They all talk about codependency, not love.
– Ha, ha, ha. I don't believe you.
- Nope? “…without you I die… you are my reason for existing… if you leave you take my joy and my happiness… I am nothing without you… you fill my life… '
– Very good, very good, I agree.
– People learn what they know about love through movies, songs, romantic magazines and disastrous soap operas. They do not realize that the model they present there is an insult to their integrity
– The protagonist of comedies endures deception, injustice and abuse. All for the supposed love she feels for the leading man.
– He supports everything because he has no center, he has no self-love. Because he's terribly codependent.
– So the “love of your life” is another carrot, another wrong solution to our inner emptiness.
- Exact. One more carrot. Only two emperors can love each other, two full and complete people. Two conscious people. And of those… there are very few.